Following the conversation that broke out on social media after it was revealed that Kianda school doesn’t admit children of single parents, I could only get mixed reaction about every response I stumbled upon. Yes, I agree to an extent Kianda school is discriminatory. That their generalisation of a child raised by a single parent is problematic and indisciplined, is close-minded, but only to an extent. What I know about family units is that no one size fits all and even some nuclear families rear the most broken kids of all.
Here’s a scenario.
As a child raised by a single mother, I can understand the school’s dilemma because I know as much as single parenthood is heroic, it is not ideal. When I stop thinking about life battles and narrow down to why my father couldn’t stay, these questions keep me awake.
Was I a burden to him?
What role does his outright rejection/abandonment play in the relationships I have and those that I cultivate in future?
Does my predicament foreshadow the down fall of my future relations, in this case, marriage?
If he ever came back would I forgive him? And if I didn’t does that make me a horrible being?
Lastly, Am I broken? and who will mend the broken pieces?
Kianda Hypothesis;: Children raised by single parents don’t have male role models.
Scenario 1 : Many of the issues I highlighted above could be fixed by Russel Wilson if only he wasn’t married to Ciara, and well, not “too old for me.” Analysing his demeanour, stature and personality based on what I see on social media, he is what every woman (me) wants. The father I never had, a brother, a best friend, a companion and a life partner in crime. However, as I continue with this analysis I realise that mentioning him is my only way of giving an example for you to see, but it doesn’t shake the fact that I turned to social media and used insta feeds and twitter videos to determine the man I want.
Kianda Hypothesis : children from single parents are emotionally volatile.
Scenario 2 : Russel, the perfect man doesn’t impress me all the time. Looking at this recent video he made on mothers day, showering Ciara with love and all the filtered words a woman (I) wouldn’t mind hearing from time to time, I was envious but at the same time, I cringed at the pit of my stomach and felt deniably angry.
Not because I wish I was Ciara in that clip, but from the fact that his Sincere playful and loving way is a reminder that I will never get to see that from my father. I don’t have a brother so cross that out. I have a sister, but in this household, we don’t go holding hands, hugging and reminding each other that love exists. Rather, we show it in actions. Case in point: perhaps I might decide to wash utensils on her task-day or help her revise for her KCSE. That’s my love. I might take her to the movies on a weekend and buy her a milkshake or a burger just so she can fulfil her fantasy of eating what she sees on Tv. That’s my love. I might share a piece of my Avocado with her. That’s more than love. But I won’t be caught dead saying the words, I love you.
(The mere thought of it makes me feel like I’m carrying a hump on my chest and I can’t breathe without support. Plus, I assume she knows. And what exactly is this love that I have to keep reminding her of it all the time? That is my love.
Although in retrospect, I tend to dish it out rather easily to the men I date with no fear nor favour).
Kianda Hypothesis : children raised by single parents idealize love since it is assumed they never received much of it from either of the parents.
They are also problematic and difficult. They don’t know how to socialise with other people, especially men due to the lack of a male role model and this affects the way they handle their social lives.
Scenario 3: Russel also reminds me that the future could be bleak. Men who embody the character we see on his and Ciara’s feed are what we call endangered species. They are a reminder of the prince you read about in a story, but could never meet in future. They are a constant eyesore reminding you of the dreams you have to let go and the reality you have to face. So Russel if ever you find a mean comment addressed to you and Ciara know that it’s deeper than meets the eye and the writer knew she’s got issues.
For one, I am not the type to start a conversation in a bus if I happened to meet a guy I’m interested/ or not interested in.
And even if he did show interest, I’m a conversation killer first, before I am a woman. So as my mind will be screaming keep it simple Elle, my mouth will blurt out every reply in retort. Gradually, he assumes I’m difficult and a snob to top. Successively this defines my social cues and how I handle relationships. Eventually, I end up wallowing in self-pity and beating up myself for my weird reactions, sarcastic sense of humour and a smug that never quits. I mean my mother told me to always wear a resting bitch face and never to smile to men as men will think me easy. And as she said, being easy is one determinant for ending up as a single as a one night stand.
However, I think Russel would figure out my intentions, but where is he in real life?
Does it mean that if you study in Kianda you will not end up being a single parent? No
Is Kianda School wrong in implementing a policy that segregates children raised by single parents? From this case study, Yes and No.
Would I feel bad and discriminated if I wanted to go to that school and they shoved that policy in my face? Yes
From my perspective and social standing, does that make me feel it is outright wrong? Yes and No. Simply put, I would just pity myself.
Do students of single parents deserve better and to be incorporated in the system rather than being ousted? Yes
As a parent would I consider Kianda school the best place to take my child? Yes and No
Do I think Kianda graduates are likely to view people raised by single parents as aliens? Probably
Is their policy contributing anything to society? probably
If Kianda school’s policy was unquestionable, it would mean parenting in all nuclear families is uniform. That all children raised in nuclear families exude discipline, love, emotional stability, security and they are not problematic. On the other hand, It would mean all single parents and their offspring are failures and since their children lack all of the above they are a burden to the society.
My take: Rather than raising unproblematic human beings such a policy would inflict in kids a notion that single parenthood is a curse. Perhaps you wouldn’t be surprised if ever you’re asked on a first date, “raised by single parent or not” to find out that the person seated across you is a kianda alumnus.
It is similar to raising kids under the dome. Kids who will soon be out on their own and might not be resilient enough cope with challenges life brings.
It undermines the efforts of a single parent and trivializes their plight by placing emphasis on a nuclear family as the basis for discipline and well-bred individuals.
Put simply it is barbaric to define a child’s capability based on their parents’ predicament, misdemeanour, mistakes or their family setting.
Therefore to me, Kianda School is not a conducive environment not because I am more subjective in this research, but because we are all children of God before we are humans.
Although, (I Wouldn’t mind my kid going all kindergarren abour ir). And this makes me realise that bottom line Kianda is not the only school. Just saying!
Related: How to build a stronger connection with your Children.
What if one becomes a widow/er with young children. Jesus did not discriminate against widows and neither should Christians. Besides, why is it assumed that all single parents are female?
Lastly, no matter how one became a single parent, we can all agree that once a child is born, society should give that child the best upbringing possible for the benefit of everyone later.
“THUG LIFE: The Hate U Give Little Infants Fvkx Everybody”
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I totally agree with you. Though it’s challenging to grow up in a single parent family, discrimination beats the purpose of shaping these children into beings that are not defined by their backgrounds.
I really like it whenever people come together and share thoughts. Great site, continue the good work!