Dear future husband,

I hope this finds you well. For starters how are you in that glowing skin, strong body and angular framed face. Your eyes are my muse. I still visualize that rogue stare that puts me in place when I bring petty up and the strong arms you wrap around me when I’m slightly wrong.

To fess up, I still see you in my dreams and truly I miss all of you. See, since you left, I have been around my little world wondering when you’ll come back and if you’ll ever return at all. I’ve even asked God to intervene and not send anyone else from heaven street but oh well, He delayed and in a moment of dire weakness I found myself something better. I’m sorry for letting you down like this but I promise to make it up to you once you return. You still remember how candy-full this package used to come. It’s even better now. Back to the matters I took in my own hands.

A while ago, I met these three tall and handsome guys, Tom, Dick and Harry in that order: and before you think ill of me, each was at a different time and setting. These like their names suggest were good jokers. From their first word was my disappointment. At least my guardian angel came back to rub it in my face that, “I told you so. You should have read the signs.” Now I know even though I never get to meet Westlife we are forever connected by that lyric. I mean I should have seen it coming!

Tom was very playful. For some reason he gave me déjà vu. You remember that sentence our Primary English teacher always blurted out, “Tom kicked the ball,” it’s happening even now he never stopped kicking balls. This made me love him even more. He had this warmth and familiarity that brought my young childhood days to life. I mean could you resist a charm who always thought you were the light God referred to in the first day of creation? See, Tom always called me light (mwangaza). Sometimes I used to think he’d take it too seriously to think I could lit up a room when lights were out. Until lights went out and my light skin didn’t cast a ray on his humble bed sitter. This earned me a sudden broken heart and some severe weight loss. He said I was a blonde and my light skin was a mere joke. He called me a liar for never telling him that I couldn’t produce light and that I was just a girl. One thing I used to justify my time with him was that latter clause. I was just a girl. And so I redeemed myself and got over him. Playboy Tom had finally kicked this light skin ball to the curb.

I collected myself gained a little weight changed my wardrobe and even promised to keep myself hood for you. But before I could focus on my bucket list which had replaced playful Tom, Dick came along. You see they can’t keep apart. They even share a line in my thoughts. But this is from my heart and so I should tell you all my sins to deserve your forgiveness.

Dick was sweet and very addictive. I always found him to be quite the impeccable speck of a man. Strong, had this cute smile which he never shared and more importantly he also had the light skin. He can’t use that against me. Here, I had hit the jackpot!

Dick was also a free soul. He never took anything too seriously. YO-LO were his cliché syllables and from my uptight self I detached to let in this new vibe. Yolo! Yolo! Life is never too serious. We were a force of power: full of optimism and the will to try and live it up to the fullest.

Although Dick wasn’t rich and very thoughtful like you he still had his days. From time to time he would take me out to these random places and buy me food I would never have tasted if not for him. Like there was this one time he passed by my house at 10 p.m. and suggested we go for a date. I was a bit intrigued, reluctant but glad at the randomness of the idea. I’d like to mention there were food palaces just miles from where I lived but they had never matched up to my style. You know, like all the exotic places you promised to take me to once you returned. But I went along with his idea. After all, I had to live what I believed in: and YOLO was the current faith.

So we arrived. There was this little shack that sold booze and other drinks to its customers. It wasn’t falling or anything but I had never liked the place even from afar. My humble side convinced me otherwise and since from the entrance I could see other decent humans dancing and living it up, I cooled my temper and decided to let the motions take me. From one of Dick’s short codes in life, I heard, “Ladies first!” (Not seeing him anywhere behind me, I realized later that he wanted some alone time to chunk the sausages and samosas he had bought from the guy selling at the door. )He managed to swallow the last of it as he walked fast towards me; cleaning his hands of the dripping sauce and kachumbari (salsa), with his shorts before I could get the right words to ask to what was going on.

Dick wasn’t tall like I tried to make him. But he was handsome and I liked that I could reach his head when I hugged him. In case you didn’t know I’m 5’1 though I said 5’7. But with how detail oriented you are, I know you must have realized and brushed it off. Dick also had this not so complicated body structure where his upper body almost matched his lower body. Short limbs but strong like a footballer’s. One reason he liked wearing long shorts to show them legs off. He was really attractive!

You know I’m shy. And that would be the first time I would enter a club to dance with strangers. And so he realized this about me and with no waste of time he took my hand and danced me to the beat. Wow it was ridik! While the rhythm was high he was low and I thought he always did that to make me laugh, but that was not true.

At around 1 a.m I requested to go to sleep and although reluctant, he managed to shout yes amidst the noise from the music in the bar and the very curd he was chewing with some peanuts.
He had drunk one too many that it reached a point he borrowed me money to keep safe for (the taxi) when we would leave. But also this he used to buy another bottle and when he couldn’t afford to make himself wasted enough he sacrificed the next Blue moon to buy me a soda which I’ve always felt was so sweet of him.

We staggered our way till we reached his friends place (since it was near), and as it turned out where he knew exactly how to find everything. The room was haywire and as we entered we kicked around two or so sufurias which lay on the ground before he could switch on the lights and I found a place to stand. Morsels of dry food were on the kitchen counter as used packets of cigarettes lay on the floor. There was a sufuria under a table which seemed to have cooked ugali like three days before but from how black the little water that soaked it was, I deduced USA (Ugali, Sukuma, Avocado) wouldn’t be in the menu anytime soon. I had seen enough. I felt a heavy burden of disappointment. Till date I have wondered: was it the date I had so happily accepted to go to only to end up in a bar? or was it that rabbit hole that had marked our destination that made me snap out of it.

I watched him as he moved some piled clothes from the bed to create some space so we could sleep. “Enough!” I snapped and asked him to take me to my place. Dick at first didn’t take this seriously and when I refused to lie down and insisted that I wanted to leave, for a drunken man he sobered up really fast. His eyes changed to red and he gave me this danger eye; not like yours in any bit but it had my heart skip some beats. He turned around and took a knife and declared to stab himself if I dared walked out. He must have sensed we were broken because he pinned me down and threatened to cut his stomach open in case I left.

Dick and drama. Finally he had lived up to his name. I laid down on the side he had effortlessly made for me still with the fear of having a mother’s son take his life. Good thing sleep finally came to my rescue and for a few hours I was numb.
Dawn couldn’t approach any fast. I sneaked out and motor biked to my place. Gosh! I believed in a long night. That’s how I cut contact with Dick who after a while made it a habit to frequent to my house in the middle of the night, just to cry out his apologies and ask me to take him back. It was later that I realized that even as we were dating, Dick had a girlfriend in the same apartment I lived in: just one floor below. Again lady sign was right, or was it intuition that made me cut ties regardless, I was happy Dick was out of my life.

And there came hurry oops! I meant Harry. Harry was from that band One direction picture perfect. Cool haircuts, refined style, a gentleman in his own way and a good cook. He had some problems expressing his emotions and coming up with out of this world lines like Alejandro No! I mean you, but I always thought if I could express more, he would come around. His eyes though always gave me a sink in my stomach. See, although Harry styles had two lovely eyes they never looked at me in a loving way. His stare was always cold and calculated. That’s how he was created, I would say to myself: until I believed it. Issues with Harry’s cold stare went right out the door.

Harry also had a sense of style and sophistication. This we had in common and even though we met in a hopeless place which was Tinder, he was not hopeless at all. He had all the makings of a classy man. This I knew from the house ware he had bought to liven his house. From how carefully he handled his delicate items, it was a spectacle. To top it all Harry was really hygienic. Always rinsing utensils before use and cleaning up after we had dinner. Harry was just too good to be true and lady sign came knocking making sure his flaws hurried to the surface. This was before I could embarrass myself and as usual announce to my friends that, He was the one.”

Harry had no respect for women and neither did he hide it in his miscommunication. He was oddly high tempered but always made sure to pray every now and then. I liked this about him but doubted if he ever talked nice to God to help him loosen up. He had sadness in his heart which as always I thought I could help him get rid of, so we could enjoy the love I visioned him so capable of. Harry was no easy target. He was blonde too, light skinned and humor intolerant. He didn’t have the stomach for sarcasm and once he took it literally, words would beg not to be used. This had always got me wishing we were in the same class in high school to devour Shreds of Tenderness because Harry just like Odie a character in this book, would have had a good life once he learnt to take humor and lose the attitude.

Harry was not a sweet sin. He feared commitment and responsibilities like paying for my cab money but expected me to show up at his door every once in a while, he faked sweet. Harry was obsessed with social media too. Why he had not followed me back on Instagram but had, other girls was the root of our break up. Harry was a good chap but love and friendship were semantics to him. I liked Harry styles but before I could get addicted to the pain I Taylor’d swiftly out of his life and he too was gone. Tom, Dick and Harry had met but never knew they did. On this dirty plate laid my heart.

Yours Loving,
Elastic Heart.

Check out before summer comes winter